What's really eating me

Ok, I'm on like day 9 of my weight loss program. I've been thinking alot about what has caused me to eat in the past and how to break that cycle.

For me, food has been my drug of choice, mainly pastries and candy. They bring the biggest rush when loaded with lots of sugar. Food was always there for me. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm depressed, I eat. It never lets me down, makes me feel good for awhile. Doesn't judge me. Doesn't care anything. And it's safe because no one is probably going to tell me I need to go to rehab for eating too much food.

The last few days I have been extremely down. I'm missing the baby I lost something terribly. I long so much for this lost one that I can't even put it into words. Up until today, food would have been the temporary comfort. But today, when I would have been out and about and made a usual stop at the gas station for treats, I passed them up. I REALLY wanted them. But I made a choice. I don't have to let food be in control.

I am learning to discipline by body in this process. Once I get into the groove of exercising regularly, I want to start spending more time with God early in the morning too. I know that what I'm doing for my body by exercising is good, but I won't be able to maintain things unless I start learning how to trust God with all the emotions that I would have shoved down with food. It's a process. But I'm going to get there!

I did get up and exercise today. I was quite weak with my scores today, as I stayed up too late last night. But I did it!