Angry, Tired, and Stuck

Well, the last 2 weeks of weight loss have been well, no weight lost. But that is my own doing.

I've been depressed alot the last few weeks. I had some of the worst PMS since the miscarriage, then the worst period since the miscarriage. Every time I have had that "Time of the Month" I get extremely sad and overwhelmed with feelings of anger and grief. This would have been the first month that I did not medicate myself with food.

Except I did it anyway...

Old habits die hard. I began trying to find ways to get food that would help me feel better but where no one in my family would know. I ran errands so I could go get something fried or something chocolatey.

Why?

Why can't I just give this over to God and move on?

Cause I am ANGRY!!! I am angry at God because I had a miscarriage. I'm angry because we got to a small church of about 40 and three women are pregnant. I was in that group for awhile. One of the ladies is due the same day as I am. She lives in the small house right behind me. I see her all the time. It feels like God is playing some cruel joke! I'm not ungrateful for what I have, but I know that probably know one can understand the pain I am feeling right now. It's a grief I have never known.

So I ate my way through it. And now I feel like crap and I'm tired. I don't want to exercise, I don't want to get healthy. I just want to eat.

I'm not sure yet how I am going to get past this hurdle in my weight loss journey. I can tell you I have not gained any weight. But that is just because we shoveled so much dang snow this week!!!!

I just would like to get away somewhere. Where I can think, pray, figure things out without children needing something from me. Without a house screaming "clean me!". Then maybe I can hear God just enough to know what to do next.

Until then, I'm feeling stuck.